I can’t approach the subject of love/romance/relationships at all without over-thinking everything. I’ve kissed before, and it left me on the verge of having a panic attack. I grew up with my entire social behavior scrutinized and used against me. Honestly, I’m terrified of pushing social interaction beyond mere acquaintance. I bring a book with me to read, and aside from that, my goal is to eat/drink something really good. I visited a bunch of doctors, and most of them said, ‘There’s nothing you can do about it.’ I go out now and then, but I keep to myself. Doing so much as vacuuming my home has me needing to sit down and recover for a while.
I can’t play sports due to chronic physical problems: because of an accident I had when I was 21, my back, my knees and my feet shoot up in pain if I exert myself. Really, I don’t play games because I find them entertaining, but rather because it’s the only effective way I found to kill time. I do nothing but play video games outside of work, and every other hobby bores me to tears. I became an adult, but I’m really an eternal teenager. Next thing I knew, they were telling everyone about the latest awkward thing I attempted, and I would never hear the end of it. It was so bad that some girls pretended to want to begin a relationship with me so as to get me to let my guard down. My family moved a lot where I was young, and I found a way to get bullied at every school I went to.
I was never able to form any lasting friendships.
